Today was a bitter sweet day for me, having to leave NYC. That was probably the best trip I ever took in my life. I had to come back to Jacksonville and get back to reality :-(. But you know what... I realize more and more everyday that this isn't my reality... it's just what Im settling for. Well I'm tired of settling... I want control back over my life and want to do what makes me happy. I enjoy working for my moms company but it's not what I want to be doing right now. I do plan on one day running her business and taking it own helping it to grow when she is done with it, but not today. I am 23 and have my whole life ahead of me. It's just too structured and I feel as though my youth is being snatched from me. I don't say it to her because I don't want her to feel bad but I feel like I'm getting old too quickly. There's not much time for me to enjoy myself in my schedule. I enjoy going to school but I don't think this is the school for me. Granted, I love all of the people I met so far and they are some of the most awesome people I know, I still feel as though I just don't belong there... like I don't fit in. But it's not necessarily a bad thing... I think my style and my life is just so much more different than theirs. I just need a change of pace.
But on to a lighter side (I promise this won't be a depressing blog, lol) let's talk about the life I do want. I want to be a big time model, actor, and performer. I love to do all these things and they really are my passion. I could wake up everyday... go to these jobs... and be perfectly happy with my life. I have done a lot of things recently to build up my modeling career and I think that they will be paying off very soon.It just takes patience and the right people.. hopefully I meet them soon, lol. As for the acting, I do think I have natural talent but I still want to improve on it. I am thinking about seeing an acting coach and really get god at it. I want y'all t see me on the big screen soon :-) I also want t perform like in an Alvin Ailey show one day or on Broadway. I just seen Wicked this past weekend and it inspired me so much to go after my dream. During the whole play, I could see myself down there on the stage dancing and going at it with all of those people! It was awesome!
What I think makes these things even better is the fact that I don't want to do it for the money. Granted I want to be rich, lol, I just want to do things I enjoy and have fun with life. I think with that mentality, I will always enjoy what I do. My main goal to get there right now is moving to NYC. I think me and Jacksonville have run our course and it's time for me to push on.It's so much opportunity there and I know I have the drive to make it. I'm taking my little brother with me too so he can work on his music career. He is really great at it (rapping) and he just needs the right one to hear his music. I know in time, he's gonna blow up and be the next big thing. I'm really proud of him. The only thing we have to do though is break it to our mom... just don't know how well that will go. I know she wants the best for us but sometimes she doesn't see or understand the paths we want to take for ourselves. It won't be hard butI'm trying to build myself up to tell her about it. Maybe y'all will be hearing about how well that will be very soon.
Well, it's getting pretty late and I got to get up early in the morning so let me go. I know my post is kinda long tonight (sorry) but most of the time it probably won't be. Sometimes long, sometimes short, sometimes exciting, sometimes funny, sometimes whatever... I guess it just depends on the day I have. So until next time... remember the Alamo! Lol
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